Photossss
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
overdue since sept
Well, its September, we are three-quarters to end the year,
and so much has happened!
For me that is.
I have had a bombastic start in 2012
leading me to many BOMBS thrown at me and diffusing some was possible but some
nah...so that leaves me with a good 2 ½ months to kinda sum things all up.
But heres to my starters, I’m out of Rainbow Centre.
It was
during the last few days that I was there when I realised I stopped feeling,
for whatever reasons.
Knowing me, I would be bawling having to part from my
kids, but ironically, I didn’t and I was so cool and calm as I did my necessary
closure before officially leaving. In me there was the word numb.
Why? How? I
still am clueless on.
Well that said, I had a 2 week break before moving on to my new school. And
that 2 weeks were horrible, infact I was wondering why did I even leave Rainbow
so early, or decide to join the new job so late? I LITERALLY FELT AIMLESS AND
PENNILESS.
So yes, I’m still dutifully at the area of Special Needs.
Now it has kinda moved on to the MID range thou. Moderate Intellectual
Disability is what MID stands for. And to be in that moderate level the students have to go through
a psychological assessment prior, to determine that they qualify for such
school like my school, Chao Yang School. Cys for short.
So I went over to Cys to break ice with my future students
during my self-proclaimed holiday and I saw and learned as much as I could from
the sending Teacher who by the way is one talented, brilliant Teacher who has
made it to the papers umpteen times. Yep. And then, after a looooong time, I
felt a bond, with a group of children I’ve never met before.
From teaching 6
year olds, I was now gonna take over 12
year olds, double the age, double the fun, double the trouble. Lol.
Well I’m enjoying it very much as you friends on my fb can
see?
I’ve never been more lighter.
I used my week 1 to settle in and do things
nice slow and easy, and shan’t wait or delay them any further. They will be moving
on to their secondary school after their
exams here. So prepping them is my duty.
I’ve learned so much from this bunch, they kinda inspire me.
Sometimes they break my heart cause they seem to be aware of how different they
are.
A simple discussion of what would they like to be when they group would
have answers like, ‘Cleaner, because I like to clean’, but honestly, I believe
it has been fed into them that they have a limited amount of job scopes waiting
for them.
Well, truth is I can never be happier that where I am.
I chose this
school, I chose this line, I chose this happiness!
And so the best will be
served to my students.
Journey to and fro has never been easier/faster. Gosh I’m
really thankful each day. Thank you God!
Apart from my new job, well, I’ve been having lotsa planning
that’s going on for sissy’s wedding, pre wedding party and what nots.
I’m looking
forward to her big day, most of us are actually, and well that would mean 7/12
cousins of my bloodline are married. 2 more due in 2013, and then it would be
9/12!
Hahaha, growing up we all are uh?
Weddings are a huge deal to me. I think you gotta be damn
right sure before even talking about marriage.Lets just see if I ever want to
get married.
At the rate I’m going, I’m pretty sure I’m getting on a flight and
getting out of Singapore as soon as I turn 25. And then whatever happens
then.....
Another news of mine would be how I’m back at my dance
class, and while sometimes you can’t help but feel things you shouldn’t be,at a
place of arts, I go home being engulfed in it. It kills me, but it then since
it didn’t really kill I come back on, not strong, but I just come back.
I kinda had a rough year.
Had to see things I didn’t want to see, hear things I
most def didn’t wanna hear. DO THINGS I NEVER WANTED TO DO.
Obligations.
They surround
me, sometimes they suck on me like leeches.
Why can’t I just do what I am
doing?
So what if I’m making a mistake?
Havent anyone of you made a mistake?
Or should I
say mistakes?
Haven’t anyone one of you repeated your mistakes?
I sure have. But I am HUMAN.
Aren’t you'll?
Haven’t you'll done something you wish you never did but couldn’t answer
yourself on why you did?
I have.
Haven’t you'll felt like you are being squeezed by a boa constrictor? And the only sane thing to do like they claim you
should regardless of how insane that sounds, is RELAX?
Relax when you know you’re losing yourself? RELAX even though
you’re being constricted?
What’s this world made up of? Why do people judge?
Why don’t people LIVE and then let judgements happen when its due.
Well welcome to the world, Shahl! Happy living!
Well, this year I completely lost it, I lost my confidence.
I lost alot. And I so I think that was when I grew weak, then numb. I was
telling Wini, ‘I’m feeling numb these days’ this was about 2 months ago when she said, ‘I
read that, its a sign of weakness’. Well whatever that can be, you know when
you’re numb. You can’t cry like before, you can’t smile like you know you have
before, you can’t laugh out loud. You just grow quiet, you distant yourself,
you feel good being left alone. But occasional reach from people whom you’re
close to is more than sufficient. Felt like that at all? I did. I do.
Yep,
enough of that! I of course had my own share of happy days too la! I'm
so ticklish everything makes me laugh, and when I laugh I forget
everything else, and so it doesnt feel all bad anymore.
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Ok that above was typed out in the month of Sept. And now its Nov coming to Dec.
And this is how I am.
I am feeling a little more alive.
Wedding for the sister happened.
Probably one of the most happening one.
Every
grand function in a family will have to see through anger, sadness, and
all the negative feelings, but at the end of the day we all kinda knew
why we were going through all these for, and that would be for the
smooth flow of the wedding and so that normally gets us going back on
track.
So if you havent seen wedding photos on my fb, kindly check them out!
The sister was AMAAZZIINNGGLLYYYY GOOORRGGEEEOUUUSSSS!
Loved her make up, her hair, her henna, everything was perfect.
Her entrance was THE bomb.
Was on a real chariot like how a bride in India would be brought in.
Awesome choice of music to accompany her in, with of course us sisters dancing infront of her throne.
It was the highlight of that night, and probably the night I wouldn't possibly forget.
And I had aunties and uncles asking me when my marriage was happening, and to which I said 10 years time?
Like seriously, anyone can have a wedding. Anyone.
But the fine line between a Wedding and a Marriage is what we best need to comprehend.
A wedding would be the day/night of your life. The period that symbolises your union with your other half.
But Marriage? Irs not the ONE day or ONE night or the PERIOD, but its forever.
Thats a whole deal to digest man!!
You gotta prepare yourself for a marriage really well before having a wedding.
To which I don't think I can.
Infact I hate boys.
I like men now.
Throw in 'wo' infront and I would like them even.
Hahaha.
No longer a homo-phobic, thanks.
See
Shahl has always had the spot light on her, wheover shahl's close with,
whoever shahl might end up with, whoever likes shahl, whoever hates
shahl that they wanna kill her.
Thanks thanks.
Thanks for all the love and attention.
But I'm out of all the heated lights.
I'm loving this serenity.
I
am not gonna plunge myself on a guy and kiss him to have the world look
at me and HOPE that would atleast pay me a little more attention.
Doesnt work that way kiddo! ;)
What however works is realization.
A word too far away for most of us.
Even for myself, I have to go through shit umpteen times before realising.
Because seriously how wise can we all get? It doesnt make sense la!
Its
okay to keep making mistakes la, its okay to be impulsive and react,
because none of us should be doing great all the time right? Then, that
will be fishy.
So its fine!
I know the post came in a little late. But yeah, I am sure it was worth the wait.
My life is going AMAZING incase alot of you are wondering!
I love my working enviroment so much now.
The teachers are all nice and really awesome.
I
have this Indian Male teacher, and he is so funny, he's like old la,
and so all the younger ones love disturbing him and he always wears this
smile as he scolds them in Tamil, and its effing funny, cause each time
this happens I am around him, and I understand what he's scolding!
Hahahaha.
So yeah, happy pills around me meaning I am immediately lifted to being happy too right?
Well
that's the case most of the times, but, sometimes I find myself swinging
like a pendulum bob, from happy to anger and to in betweens.
I have this part of me that wants to spill it all out here.
Maybe I will.
By the end of the year.
Well that's all for now!
Feast your eyes for photos in the next post.
Love,
Waiting for my day.
