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BY. yours truly
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Since 27-2-2012 | Hacer página web

Since 24/08/06 ................... Person/People here right now!

How adorable is my brotheR! Lol.


Life's like taking a turn at downstreet for a while.
So I need a breather and I'm doing all that I can for that!
I really need to get away!

Mum was in A and E earlier, like Thursday evening.
Had a terrible fall while mopping and landed on her head.
Bro and Dad brought her to hospital, and I rushed down after work, and out she came with a cast after 2 hours of waiting.
Heir-line Fracture. At this age. Yeah. Sucks.

To add on to all that headache, had to see my Dad get stress over his brothers and some other saga there. And I just get so broken seeing my dad so down.
I hate it infact.
But like he was actually spilling his guts out to me, and if not for the fact that I knew I had to listen and be there for him, I would have cried listening to all his worries.

My dad's such an awesome man. I am so proud of him. :)

So following that heart-aching evening, I reached home at 10 pm only to hear more shizzzz.
Screw all that thou.

The usual caller, called and made me laugh and forget everything as much as he didnt know what I went through that day.
But point was, I was happier after the call.

You do know that when I keep really quiet on the line while your talking(which is rare, cause half the time your not talking but singing=.=) means that I'm all ears and all that you say is going right to the brain and heart right?
So thank you sweetheart. :)

Premalove is super pissed with me for not getting back to her at all.
Lol! :)
But I'm making it up babyyyy!!

Missing my 448 lovies alot! The gems especially.
Need to see them on Sat!! Sunday's my rainbow's 30th day ceremony!!

I don't know if my dearest Tnesh is seeing me any soon. But I hope you do. :(

I'm getting really sleepy.
So I'm gna go now.
But my last two words in summary : Terrible Thursday.

Love love.
Kiss kiss.
:)

I can't believe my weekend just went off like that.
And all I did was stay home.
Like Friday was a stay home public holiday with the cousins, my awesome possom Seanpaul cousin stricftly ordered us to be home. :(

SO yes, but it was fun, we went Jurong point in the evening and did a bit of shopping.
My handsome brother bought me a top!
Thanks bro!! :)

And after that headed home, chilled a bit and eventually found myself so sian, all I wanted to do was sleep.
Woke up as early as 7 ish this morning as I was gona go temple, and Jurong to Sembawang is indeed a long way.
Reached temple at like 10 and saw the same old familiar faces.
Speaking of whom , Lakesh, is one amazing guy I've known after Lily.
I really appreciate the fact I know these guys despite the way of how I even know them.
Lets not go there.
But then again, let me just go there for a while.
I'm so pissed mad at you.
And I asked myself why did I even think you could be in my future?
What did you show me that I even considered?
Seriously, if I was to let the whole world know about your shit, like how you think I don't know you are, I am sure you would have to hide.
But then again, that's what sets us apart. I wouldnt.
You don't just say you love someone and because you can't have them you make sure everyone around you can't too.
But if thats what you want, then so be it. It will be given.
Since when have I ever denied you of anything within my capabilities.

But hear this once and for the last time : I AM NEVER COMING BACK!
I promise you.

And on a lighter note I decided to come up with of how I wish my boyfriend would or should be?
Lol.
But see its all my imagination, it may sound illogical,stupid, impossible, but HELLO I said its my wish! Hahaha.

First and foremost, I hope and pray and wish that my future BF knows where I'm truly coming from.
Like my family background, the way I was brought up, ruled over, controlled and everything.
And honestly takes the tact to respect my up bringing and me.
He doesn't need to be so good : and good here doesnt mean telling me 'I don't drink,smoke,have tatoos and only pray', but eventually you do all that oppositely?
But I want someone who's balanced.
Knows his work, and knows his game.

Like someone who wouldnt put leisure infront of work too often?
Someone who doesnt get drunk every damn day and ends up missing work?
Someone who doesnt smoke too much and gets his internal organs destroyed.
Someone who loves himself and eventually someone who respects his material body and not intoxicate it much?
Like it comes to the point he should maybe share my view : All that's good or bad should be done in moderation.

And neither do I want someone who DOESNT drink at all but smokes enough to kill him.
Or someone who DOESN'T at all smokes but drinks enough to be the only customer required at a bar.
I don't need extremes, I don't.
I want someone who balance it all up and still remain fun!?

But coming back, he should really bear in my mind of my family, and our culture and not for a second let my BROTHERS topmost, parents and my cousins even doubt him of his responsibility.
Like say, he shouldn't be well known for being a drunk so much so my brothers give me the red signal?
Or even be so famous among girls for the wrong reasons and give my sisters a room to watch out for me?
He shouldnt be anything like that?
And he should know how my cousins are more than cousins and too dear to me that HE should blend in perfectly with them?
Like I would hope he would initiate meet-ups with my brothers and hang out with them.
Or even with my other cousins and we would all hang out together?
Seriously, he must be well liked by my family.

And then comes to the friends part.
He should of course know of my girlfriends and guys and you know be able to click with them all the time?
Cause the similarities between my friends and I are we 're friendly?So from them it shouldnt' be an issue.
But then I hope then even after he enters my life I don't have to change the way I am to them in anyways, which I did previously?

He too should not for a second change the way he is towards his friends upon being my boyfriend?
And I will be more than understanding should he have bestfriends of the opposite sex.
I've been that friend to many of my guy friends I should know how I wouldnt want to lose a friend because he's attached?

See I wanna know him for a few good years and with each year I hope we both make positive changes to each other and be happy and so happy that we really are contented?

I wanna be able to hang out with him at a bar should he watch soccer with his guys as I love watching soccer?
And should I want to go home midway, he just needs to ensure that I get home safely, and he doesnt need to leave with me?
And moreover, should I bring him to my home as my boyfriend I hope he ensures,assures my DAD to take good care of me. For my DAD means a whole deal to me and vice-versa.
Like he should know how to carry himself and know my dad would be judging him and he should not give any reasons for my dad to even have second thoughts?
Of course I want to be able to share with my dad about him freely?

Like he should know my dad doesnt drink nor smoke so atleast with the saying : 'What you don't know don't hurt', he should maintain that image to my parents.
And I would also hope he never lost his roots, and should he be someone who prays I would be delighted?And not just CLAIM that he prays so much he thinks he's god and all that rubbish la =.=
And of course, for him to be musically inclined or even being a music lover would be the cherry on my cake.

And something really important for me, I really hope you would be able to carry an intellectual conversation with me?
Like I'm done with typical Tamil language thrown at my face and all that drama?
I need a guy who knows how to have a smart convo with me, to be able to discuss about Singapore's issues, to discuss about any current issues or anything under the sun.
But in English, like a respected man who loves his Tamil as much as his English but knows how to talk and when to talk what?
I need that.
Call me a discriminative woman, but I know what I want.
And this is what I want : A balance. Like Yin and Yan.
Opposites attract but they need to balance each other.

And alsooooo...he needs to be educated, having good prospects that I need not worry about should he even want to job-hop.
Be earning enough to keep us happy.
And most importantly someone who knows the importance of savings?!
And for him to have a savings from a decade ago would be a bonus for me only because it helps me be assured of his mentality and his responsibility.
Like really really, all these are crucial and so I would consider all that?

And coming back to the religious side , I would not stand him getting drunk on special days like Thaipusam/Panguni and getting involved in it whilst being drunk?
Like hello?Screw it, I would probably not even want to know someone who does all that.
Like I said, to know what to do when is important for me.
And should he be a participant in these big events I would most definitely be happy for him and pray along for all his prayers to be answered.
See the reason being, my brothers are all like that?
They maybe simply guys who work,club have a gf/wife but when it comes down to God and them they don't fail on it? They don't get DRUNK on these days and be annoying to the people around by dancing/singing drunk?
So I hope that guy would really get to know and realise about my family enough?

And can he also please have a car/car license?I'm done with guys hoping I wouldnt get a car till they get their license and their fucked immaturity.
But it would be ohsocool for him to have a car only because I'm done with a routine life with public transport and would want to be pampered just a little?
And of course I would call on days where I would want to travel in public transport with him only because we shouldnt get too antisocial(if its the right word) and comforted with the luxury of a car?
And strictly no driving, should he want to get drunk outside with his guys . :)
And once in a while to freak out is totally understandable, but say every weekend - NO?
LIKE A BIG FAT NOOOOO!
:)

And and and, did I also mention that, he should trust me and I would trust him with time of getting to know each other and we should try our level best not to disappoint each other when its trust issue?
Yep.

And coming back to my weak point : Singing.
By God's grace should he be able to sing , I WOULD BE OMGOMGOMG EXCITED and be his biggest FAN.
And he can call me anytime of the day to randomly sing a song and that itself would be a surprise.

I want a guy who knows how to plan days/evenings or surprises?
Like a guy who knows how to treat his lady well?
Someone who observes you and like hear you out carefully about places you mention and when weekends comes he calls you and says, 'Okay we're going out tomorrow, pick you up at 7' , and drives down to the place she mentioned days back?
Like omg,how effing sweet would that be?

And despite being a bf, he knows how to have little games with you?
That are harmless but eventually the aim of the game is to basically make you miss him a little more each day?

Ah that said, I need to close my eyes and head to bed thinking of him!
Lol, will continue this tomorrow!
As abrupt as this may be, I love you people! :)

And and and, I'm missing you.

Feeling super super down.
And I don't exactly know why?
Like....omg, there's something eating me up inside.

I know I'm never used to blogging my down side on my blog at all, but screw that, this is after all my blog.
The thing is, I never want to attract too much of attention on the note that I'm down?
But here I am typing all these asking myself why am I feeling off for no reason?

And if there's a reason, is it worth it?

See, the saying, once bitten twice shy never worked on me.
And I think that's more than what I should let on.
But then, by the time I'm bitten thrice I lose myself completely.

Argh!!!
I'm really really losing it.
I need to just get out of everything that is routine for me.

My mum got so mad at me last morning for some dishwashing reasons and started saying that I'm more interested in guys issue than washing the plates.
IM LIKE OMG OMG OMG?
WHERE THE HELL IS THE LINK?
I mean, I'm 22 and if you want your daughter/son to be interested in the same gender then its a problem.
And not that she knows of all the shit I've put myself through to say all that? She doesn't la.
And if she does then she'll know I'm really done. I will not be in a relationship for the next few years and this I'm damn sure of!

Yes I have awesome family to share my sorrows with, but then there comes time then you have search within. Cause its not about sharing to reduce the load, its about absorbing and letting go.
And this is the space where I can.
So bear with me if you're still reading.

Then again, I can't continue.
Fcuk what I'm feeling.

That was rough.... Thing to do now is try and forget it.... I guess I don't quite mean that. It's not a thing you can forget. Maybe not even a thing you want to forget.... Life's like that sometimes... Now and then for no good reason a man can figure out, life will just haul off and knock him flat, slam him agin' the ground so hard it seems like all his insides is busted. But it's not all like that. A lot of it's mighty fine, and you can't afford to waste the good part frettin' about the bad. That makes it all bad.... Sure, I know - sayin' it's one thing and feelin' it's another. But I'll tell you a trick that's sometimes a big help. When you start lookin' around for something good to take the place of the bad, as a general rule you can find it.



And to you : my blog hater(Probably the only one who dislikes my blog), if I even said anything wrongly to offend you then let me know?But don't just ignore?


I'm out.

I think that despite all the drama's that been happening, I am so fortunate to have so many gems around me.
Like each of them have not proved me wrong in anyways.
From lilygem to his bestfriend, to my one and only LOVE babycakes to Pravin and to everyone la basically.
Thank you hor for everything.
You guys are loved so much by me and I appreciate you all so much.

My life's always been circulating with drama I must say.
Like the moment I had a BF it became even more dramatic, even though it ended wahhh the drama won't la.
But screw that, I'm good with everyone around me.

And maybe just maybe, I'm interested in .....
But no much juicy updates for now except that the subject's niceeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. :)
And has been there for me and that's really sweet.
But see, I don't want trust people who can sing anymore!
CANNOT LA.
Lol, but this one sings damn good ah. (Break the jinx thou pls :) )

Okay, but like I said, I'm so sure I'm getting arranged married off in about 5 years.
27 too early uh?
7 years then.
Lol.

And, I am waiting for the Gem's word to come true now, for upon doing so much all I got back in return was shit? And all I await now is your JUDGMENT day.
I swear when that happens I know that its a notsounfair world.


Ok, madly in love with the Manthiram Vechayae song.
And really madly in love with the guy's voice.

So this my plan for this weekend!
24 APRIL - EMCEE JESZ hitting Downtown East and so I'm gona be at his booth WITH him chilling :) Yayness!! (Many photos!)

31st April : GEEVISHA'S 30TH day prayer.

6th May - 7th May : Unwind session with the cousins : CLUBBING

Yeah! My weekend's are gona be awesome, and it would even be more if I saw you in between. :)




And to you my little love : Fret not, as we somehow saw this coming we just didnt prepare ourselves together but deep down we knew there will come this day and so it did pretty early.
But don't be too sad, for everyone else whom you regard as your brothers will share the weight with you and as for me I'll always love you hor. :)
Don't worry!! Just do your best for your studies okay?

But as for you my awesome possom fantastic PAST : Gloat, Smile, Chuckle whatever la, I'm having the last laugh for sure.

Love love.

On a side note : You've got me tripping....

So let me be RANDOMLY SHOCKING.
I had a relationship.
I did.
And I was not supported by my family to continue but still as a human being you know you can NEVER listen to people and you have to actually go thru shit before coming out of it?
Well of course I did that!
Typical, but lesson will be learned what.
So doesnt matter.
Well this relationship taught me on how tolerant I can be.
Yes I was a total control freak at times. Cause I had to la.
Situations, but I NEVER ONCE MISTREATED my partner la.
I pampered and loved like nobody's business. I don't regret, I will never but I wished I pampered and loved myself instead.
I lost myself in that period I had a boyfriend.
Wow! I lost alot, but I thought it didnt matter cause I had a boyfriend whom I hoped I saw a future with.
But it was a painful journey each time I FELL I only told myself I can work this out I can I can.
But who knew what was running through the other party's mind?
Cause there were too much of negative emotions and thoughts in theirs that they stopped thinking about me for the longest time.
I had to ask for things which shouldnt even been asked for.
It was a horrible thing to go through cause it came to a point I didnt know what I was hanging on for?
But still I held on, I was devastated at the way the change was hitting me.
How can a person completely change from whom they were in a short period.
I was in denial. I got blamed for the change even.
But if he ever took a min to sit down and ponder about how else I improved his life it would have been different.
SO shit happened. Brothers had to hear about it. Things ended on the ROUGHEST note when I tried to delay the end of us, as I wanted a smooth end.See the thing is, I realised regardless of how gentle you want to be about a break, or how tactful it must be something mutual!

Its of no point if here I am trying to be gentle about us going our own ways where there you are JUMPING VIOLENTLY about everything. In the end the one who wants to be soft with their decision ends up get depressed,tired, angry, sad.
Thats what happened.
Depression was what happened.
Friends were there. Especially two who made the trip to my school to talk to me on the pretext of a surprise! LOL.
But sisters started looking for out me.
It was too painful cause I know I didnt deserve that.


I'm not saying I was the best gf in the world but for you I was the best you can get and lose.
I was. And only your family will realise that. And by family I mean people who really would know what I went through and not what they tell themselves to believe about you. Of course some 'brothers' of yours would beg to differ, but they know shit! And I mean shit man. Seriously.

See I was at a low point in life, when I had to hear about my brother's friend's sister taking the plunge because of her failed love life.
Affected me more than anyone could imagine.
Seriously, I found myself talking to the girl who by the way is one the most beautiful girl of my age!
I was literally asking her in my head, why? Why?
She had an awesome family and talents, and job, and everything, so why?

Couldnt accept the way 'LOVE' can affect people.
Wah seriously.
So I'm not for a moment gona say ohhhhhiwasossadbfwassomeansonowiamtheonetobepitied all!
I am only saying, its sad. WAS SAD.
That I had gone through all that when I thought love could happen to me.
BUT NEVER AM I LOOKIN AT THE WORD FOR THE NEXT 3 YEARS!
Cause after that I'm getting my mum to arrange marriage me off.
LOL.
But seriously.
Yes we had our joy, we had very little of it, that was the problem.
And I wasn't getting all that I deserved and he couldnt give too but it became intangible things that he couldnt give and thats when you know you have to make a decision.
I WAS LOST BEYOND.


Well well.
AND SO, THIS IS IT.
I'll never look back on your chapter.
I did tell you that before? That if I make up my mind for real I will never. Yes I will have troubles getting over it la. And I did! I still do cause Singapore is fucking small, and at every corner I take I somehow see you. And it was far painful than anyone can imagine. I became less sociable, I became so selfish. All I cared about for 1 year was you, how was I to walk on when I promised you, that you will be the the only one? But what the fuck am I to do when your promise was to mistreat me as far as you can?
I'll never hit that chapter again.
I will never forget you too. Cause now I know what pain can be derived from love and I'll remember the pain and not get close to feeling the same in future.

I wish you well, where ever you can be.
Like I always said, your head's not in the right place and will not be for a few years.
But if you ever clear it you might just have a good future ahead.
And getting the same image you once portrayed? Nah...you really have lost it.
But we all do don't we? Lost our image, our respect but we have to get it back.Earn it back.

Like how you can never stop calling me names even after it all ended?
Well if I was a whateveryoucalledme I would have never lasted this long with you, for the moment you went beyond your limits in the way you treated me , I would have showed you the finger and left. And if I was a whateveryoucalledme I wouldnt for a moment respected your likes and dislikes even after the first break. But damn, not worth it. Not at all.

But I respected and loved not wrongly, but the wrong person.
I hope you find yourself in the long future and thats the only wish I have for you forever.
AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS NOT AS IMPORTANT AS THAT.
I gave you the best 20th, remember it, live with it. Cause every gift given was with love. Even the gifts my friends presented you with.Not forgetting the gift that has my signature on it. :)
Goodbye now. And for the longest time.

And if in future you ever hear of me being married/attached or even dating, please atleast prove me that your love was true by not approaching me or even thinking that you have the rights to question me. Its over loved one - once.

I am not gona for a second say I'm perfect know, I have my flaws most definitely. But the thing is I learn from it.
Even after my bros found out about my attempt at the rship AGAIN they forgive both him and I for making that blunder. I thought they were being selfish, but in actual fact I was.
Or everyone were? but I didnt ask myself if I could really do this at the start? So that was the trigger really?
And now, even if I want to move on it hurts. Cause I'm done for real with guys.

Maybe girls now? LOL.
I was kidding.
I'm still homophobic thanks.

But during these rough times, I still want to thank God for bringing in all my family members and friends to shower me with their love and attention.
For without which I would have been in a serious state of depression.

And till this moment I would say, he was an awesome guy.
Awesome son,brother,friend,musician,vocalist, devotee ? Perhaps.
But he just coudnt be perfect and had some drawbacks in the bf part but thats all good.
We all have our flaws to repeat myself, we all do. :)
So I'm parting with heart that was once heavy but now light ? lighter? Yeah.

Love you all!