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Sooo..... Is he one of them?

Monday, September 05, 2011

I finally decided that here's where I belong!
And its been WAYYYYY tooooo long I say!

So anyways, this post has been in my head for far too long now and even as I type I am not taking a moment to rethink or type cause I think I've been waiting for this chance to let it all out.

I would love to name my post title as : 'Is he one of them?'

So yeh, coming from the minority group of race in Singapore, I feel as if we have probably brought drama to a whole new level.
I used to ask my good friend Juen(A Chineseeeeeee girl, lol), to equate Indians.
And she often would tell me, 'Walan, so easy Indians = Drama', well well!
And not forgetting the fact that she surrounded herself with me and all my other friends for a good 4-5 years she understood us very well.

So coming back, I would like to give a heads up to everyone who reads this, guys or girls, Indians or Not.
But what the hell do some Indian guys think when they have a GF, I really wonder.

Like seriously.
This is what love means to them (From the typical Indian guy's point of view)
:

I am going go for the nicest and/or prettiest girl I can lay my eyes on, and it would be better if she doesn't have any bad habits because I have enough to split it on both our sheets.

I am going to control her so much because I need to show her that I can be her father/mother/brother/sister all at one time. But truth being I don't even know how to be a man.

And by controlling, I am going to make sure that she knows that she is not allowed to wear sleeveless unless with me (Because the slightest reveal of her arm makes him insecure, you stupid insecured bastard).

And she can't wear make up without my permission (BECAUSE MAKE UP MAKES HER LOOK PRETTIER AND I CAN'T HAVE PRETTY GIRLS AS MY GF BECAUSE I KNOW I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH NEXT TO HER).

She can't have any friends from the opposite sex because I'm so scared she might just fall in love with everyone because I'm such a bastard I can only imagine what kind of girl I deserve(Because you have probably tried and hit on your female friends).

She can't hug any more guys including her brothers/cousins/good friends because the thought of someone else touching her kills me inside and I might just die with the pain but I can hug any girls because my fucking heart is clean and green and has always been (SCREW YOU!).

She needs to be home by a curfew set by YOU because YOU ACTUALLY CARE, like WTF, you think you do a better job than the girls parents? And if you think you do a better job than her parents then it defines the type of girl you're with. But if she's already too good and you limit her to your curfews then, the issue doesn't lie with her or her parents but you.
Like seriously, you just cant accept the fact that she can have fun without you, thats all!!

She needs to sms/call me every damned 30 mins/ an hour if she's out with her family/friends, because I need to know if she's in danger(more like you need to know if she's having too much of fun without you), buttttttt!!! If I'm out with my family/friends, she can't disturb me because as guys we have to have our time(fuck you, because if your gf is in real danger and you're far away from her you would ask her to deal with it by her parents/friends' help) and girls don't.

She needs to tell the whole world via Facebook that she's in a relationship, because essentially I just wana warn everyone she's attached through her and I'm not man enough to tell guys who try and hit on her myself and also not that I'm proud of her but because I honestly don't know how to treat a girl but I'm gona try my level best and pretend I do AND listing her as my gf is one step to pretending.

She can't go club without me because when she was given birth , her mum and dad wrote an oath that their daughter will not club with anyone but her boyfriend.
But truth being, you just can't accept that and be mature, that, anyone can go to the club and dance and go home because you have been the kinda guy who would approach girls and try and ask them for a drink or dance and you're scared that your gf is going to be in the same situation, and also you're scared that she might cheat you(even if she will never) because you have cheated on her.

She can't drink alcohol because she doesn't know her limits and even if she does you're not keen because you know the wreck or chaos you have created when you get drunk.(This one also I can accept la to a certain extent.)

She needs to surrender her phone to you each time you meet her so that you can read all her smses and see her dialled/received calls because you wanna know whats happening in her life atleast through this manner, but no asshole, you're just scared that she might meet more beautiful people in her life and leave you cause you've been such a dirtbag all these while.

She needs to prioritise you before her own parents but you're always gona put up that drama that its your mum/family/brothers before her, but when things go downhill you always only go to her because you know that she's probably the truest thing to you besides your parents.

She can't miss any calls of yours because that means that SHE'S CHEATING ON YOU, and not that she really got busy. But its okay if you miss all her damn calls while you're doing your own shit cause she's supposed to understand.

And should you be less educated then you try and demotivate her because you're so afraid of what the society might say about when you don't even believe in yourself, let alone believe in your girlfriend.

And if you were to have a problem with her, she should not in anyways go on about in her plans with her family or friends, because she's supposed to be all sad and so its not RIGHT to be happy.
But its okay if I do it, because I'm a man, I can't show my real emotions to my friends, so while I go out and have fun she can't but actually I'm really sad we fight.
I am so sad that I really can't help but smile and laugh with my friends, but still I'm sad that I have a problem.
MIDDLE FINGER TO THAT TOO!!!!

And if the girl wants to put an end to all these, then I'm gona tie her down by just scaring her la, like not threatening know, just scaring only. Like so much of difference between scaring her and threatening her. (=.=)
But I'm gona threaten her to do something to myself cause I got no balls or words to help express how much I love her.
And if that doesn't work, then I'm going to threaten to tell her mum or dad about how close I've been with her, cause we're Indians and so if I talk about our physical closeness then she has no choice but to stay with me. And it does not matter if she's staying with me because of the threat la, but what matters is I can't have no gf, I got an image to keep up with what, I'm Tom Cruise what.
But actually I love her la.
Like wow, I really do.

And if I lay my hands on her when she makes me angry, she's not supposed to tell this to anyone la because I have a solid reason for doing so(but truth being her brothers/father might just kill you for doing so) and she shouldn't cast the bad light on me, because she did something wrong so I had to lay my hands on her.
And also, laying hands is such a gentleman behaviour so I'm gona keep it up with her.
But after that I'm gona tell her that I did that cause I cared too much about her.
Because you hurt someone physically when you love them the most.
Thats why child abusers gets arrested, because the jail is the house of love what.

And also, every night when she's gona be out she better make sure she remembers she's attached, but if I'm out with my guys its okay for me to hit on other girls because what she doesn't know doesnt hurt. But should she know about it then I'm gona convince(lie) to her that I would never do such a thing to her.

And should I miss my ex girlfriend, I'm gona meet her and talk to discreetly behind my girlfriend's back because if I'm gona be direct about it, it will hurt her.
But doing all these without her knowledge won't. (STUPID ASS! I think that I would respect a man should he tell me openly that he's gona be talking to his ex more that someone who does this shit.)
But say if she talks to her ex bf, thats it, I'M GONA KILL HER FIRST then kill him.
BECAUSE I LOVE HER! =.=

And I'm gona use all my knowledge on vulgarities when she fights with me and she's not allowed to retaliate with any because I'm a man, and I'm the one with a pride and she shouldn't behave such.
But truth is bastard, you don't have much in your language command to express what you're feeling, and should the girl use vulgarities on you, its only going to be words that best describes you. And deep down you know that every vulgarity that comes from her is probably gona be what you are, and you cannot accept it.

And honestly, this is nothing personal la, but I figured that all fucking Indian boys, need to grow up, I'm so sick and tired of hearing and seeing so many Indian girls who let these BOYS/WUSSES do this to them.
And silly Indian girls who let these boys do it, like come on already, if he does this now, then he's gona do worse in future. And if you want such a future then suit yourself, but if you don't then do something about it.

I'm not saying it simply.
Lets just say, been there, done that.
But its all good now, like we learn from our mistakes.
Right?

Because eventually I think we all will find someone who truly loves and be possessive about us in the right manners and never fail to express their love to us.
And maybe just maybe I have ...............but yeah!

To the rest, please be mindful is all I'm saying.

And should you girls feel as if your boyfriends falls in any one of the points mentioned above, then danger danger,because you're hitting rock bottom ,and its gona be hard coming out of that pit trust me.
Do it soon and do it neat would be my advise.

And I've been dying to have this post up for the longest time, so Indian Boys reading it don't take it personally, unless of course you're one of them, then I'm not sorry about it.
But I'm very sure many other Indian Men who read this would laugh knowing that I made perfect sense.

To end, Is he one of them?
If he is, then live with it, or live better without it.

Love love!

I wanna hit the club this friday!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

I wanna go clubbing this Friday night.
And so I pray and hope that my brothers decide to bring me! :)

Okay so.......
Was thinking about the different people I've met in my lives and how talented some really are.
And how some are really God-gifted like the MAGIC MAN in my life.
Like although we arent close or anything.
This guy is really blessed with some special powers.

And to trigger your memories, if you have been reading my blog since forever, here's my initial post about him!
I clearly remember how I was 16 when I first met him.

Ok the following paragraphs in blue would be my post about him! It was written in 2006 ah! So pardon my language and sentence structure and what not!

"Yeah speaking of which, I must so totally blog about someone so great!

So i saw him first when I was 11. But I didnt remember it. Yeah so it was 26 dec 2005.
I was over at my cousin-sis's house along with my 2 of my other cousin-sisters and my cousin-sis-in-law. Yeah so all 5 of us were chilling out and talking about random things. When my eldest sis , the one who's house we were in started telling us about her friend and her husband also started telling us how remarkably great he is.
So we got excited as my sis went on telling us how he even tells her past right on her face and up to what animal she'll soon see and what it'll be doing or what colour it will be in.
I was amazed that such a person exist yeah, so along with other sisters we told our eldest one to call him down. She thought it was a good idea too, and yeah she warned us that he may not come down today cause he has many people to attend to. Keeping our fingers crossed she called .
And she said, "I've got 4 girls waiting to see you...come over lah!"
AND HE SAID OK, he was currently seeing another person in marsiling then, so he said he'll cab over.

So we waited , and he came. He came, said hi and all to my sis and her husband as they were sec sch mates for long they are tight. So he went to kitchen, washed his legs saw us, near the dinning area and he turned immediately to me and said, "I ve seen you somewhere."
I felt so too lah, then my sis said it must be during her house warming.
Yeah then he settled down and looked at me again and said, " why you wanna be so stubborn? u can listen to your mum and life will be better"
And whoaaa, like he slapped me right then with those words. He just said it ok.
So he asked who wanted to see me first, and we agreed on the eldest to the youngest.
So I was with my cousin sisters who were 23 and 16 and cousin-sis-in-law who was 22.
So I was more than glad to be last, my 16 yr old cousin was born in Jan so yeah older.
And he asked my sis for her name and birth date and then it started.
Something real and magical.
The irony, but 100% true.
I'll continue this story tmr. Too much of facts.
Overload- "

Part 2 :
"(If you have no idea what Im talking, then read the previous post first yeh?)
The one who can tell you everything based on your name and bdae ? Yeah Muni Anne.
Yeah so, he was first seeing my sis. So he started telling her things, not asking her but telling her that at this particular age you did it and this happened and he confirms with her if it did happen or didnt.
And I remember the feeling I had within me looking at my sis nodding to all his says.
It was scary, the feeling's like, " damn, everything is out".
I even remember there was one thing he asked her," Your bf has india link right?"
I'm like okayyyy, I didnt even know she had one. So she along with the other elder sis laughed and said , 'yeah, he's from India.'
It was about an hour for him to tell her all that she should know, I'm not gona go into details cause its her life.
But yeh, for me I'l tell most of the things.
So while he was seeing for my sis, her bro and my bro then turns up at the house and im like shit lah, cause if he's gona say things my bro doesnt know then Im dead.
I was hoping he wouldnt.

Afterwhich it was my cousin sis-in-law's turn hers took an hour too, it got scarier by the minute. He started asking her if she had a grandma in her house who loves her alot(as in compared to her other family members), asked her if there was once a god photo which fell from the wall!!!
Yes, and I was thinking how, just how he could even tell her about her family members when he has never met her before!
God's gift.Yeah.
Next was my cousin's turn the one who was the same age as me.
She is the most silent one of us all . BUT when Muni anne started telling her things and asking her if it was true we were shocked! She did have a bubbly side to her yeah.
He told her to take part in the coming thaipusam(2006) and walk behind her father as she would get alot of blessings.He told her this on 26/12/05 so yeah, my cousin did take part this year.

Yeah while he was seeing her, my brother was with my cousin bro at the hall preparing for Liverpool match.
Yeah, and my eldest sis's husband(DIE-HARD FAN OF POOL) then turns to our direction and asks," dei Muni, today who will win?"
And he replied saying, " Liverpool, 2-0."
We were like whoaaa, alright we'll see how it goes.
Muni anne only saw my cousin sis for about 25 mins and then we all took a break.
And the reason was, they wantd a break before the finale!
Yeah, since I was the last one , they said it was gona be an interesting one.

And yeah, my turn. At 11.15 pm. I was really scared . Even my bro keep glancing back from the hall to see if it was started. And he asked for my full name and d.o.b and started writing things on the paper.
My turn!!!!
He wrote something, looked up at not me but my eldest sis and asked her, "16 years old can go club ah now?"
IM LIKE DIE DIE DIE. My brother turns and stares at me my cousin bro looks at me with his mouth open, my sisters infront widen their eyes.
I couldnt manage a sound.
And my eldest sis says," I dont know la, maybe can"
Then he turns to me and asks, " you went right?"
I decided to lie, I couldnt stand the pressure alright!
So I said, "No..noo...."
Then he said wait ah, and he went on calculating , and then said, " Ya la, you went twice"
OMGGGGG.
I did, in my entire life, twice . Honestly twice!
So he said, tell me the truth so I can go on telling you more.
No shit, I didnt want anymore already!

And he told me all kinda things. Untill this point my tears flowed and my sis suggested I see him alone in the room.
Yeah so he asked me if it was true I wanted to skip one paper for O levels!
I did! Along with Juen and Angela, we thought of not going for Geog, but we did in the end.
It was so damn true! Everything he said.
He asked me many personal questions too, things I never told anybody.
He assured me though. Told me to be prepared for my O's results as I'll do well for one subject only and chances are I'll pass all subjects.
And yes I have seven credits, ace-ing my Humanities.
I then couldnt take it, poured my guts out. Yeah. He told me how I have problems communicating with my mum. How I had friends who........

And then he told me to close my eyes, think of a friend who'll never expose me in trouble despite being in trouble togther. I thought, one face came to my mind and at the moment Muni anne says, " yes, that person is your true friend."
Astonishing but true. You know who? :)

I always loved Gaga's daddy car as it was a 7 seater. Always told myself I have to drive that.
And Muni told me, " You want to drive a 7-seater car right??"
Im like OKAYYY. He knows lahh! HOWWW?
Went on asking if I have ideas to migrate to Australia.
I did.I did.
Told me that where ever I go black follows me, should it be my clothes or shoes.He says its good .
Cause anyone who borns on a certain date, as for mine 26, 2+6=8.
Those adding up to 8, can never avoid black.
17 is another eg.
He told me, soon one of my friends will ask me to go msia with them.
Thats dumb right! I was thinking who would wana ask me to go msia wih them!
Yes and my friend did, my pri sch friend shoba just 1 week later.
GOODNESS.
He told me I'll see a house, with a horse infront of the house two of its leg up in the air and the other apparently on the ground. Should I see that I have to call him immediately. Something bad yeah, but I haven seen it. Thats good! I dun wanna scare myself.

He said many many things, told me to specifically pray to certain deities.
Shocked me with what I have done before.
Everybody else were allowed to take down whatever Muni anne said, except me, he said it was because mine's facing the bad time and so he doesnt want me to take down these things.
So he consoled me, told me to retake my O's no matter the results.
(at this point I haven taken my results)
I felt much better talking to him. When I came outta the room it was 12 midnight. Yeah.
45 mins of talking to him
And yes, pool match was over with pool win 2-0!
I SWEAR THIS IS TRUE.

He's awesome yeah. He' frigging famous at woodlands,yishun,Jurong!
Yeah.Since then I started contacting him.
After that day I changed myself yes for the better. Even he told me he sees some changes in me.
Over the months we met up frequently.He came over to my house to see for my mum, dad,bro and me again! We celebrated his bdae at my crib! Surprise one! That was great.
Yeah, so he's awesome.Really.I haven told everything he told me cause I cant, but yeah he actually predicted Tsunami before it occurred.
This year he predicted another thing, I would have told you guys already personally that is.
I can't write it down. Its a worldwide issue.
And yeah, he'll always tell me, "Soon you will forget me.... you gona be someone great, after that where can rmb me?You will be in Aus I in Singapore..."
I'll always laugh when he says it everytime we talk over the phone, but I can never forget a person like him.

Yeah thats alot, but its 100% true."

Ok so yeah, that was what I wrote about him. And sometimes I still remember each prediction he has made for me, my family, my friends and how it has all happened and I feel happy that I knew someone like him.
He made my life more special in some way.

Anywaysssss.
I'm feeling rather sleepy, its 4 am!
I've been up doing my reports.
Now I'm gona sleep.
Too tired!!
So good night ya'll.

I feel funny now.
I should be flying to Australia end of this year.
If anyone wants to fly with me let me knowwww.

Did I mention how I'm looking for suitors already?
Yes I am.
But I'm not gona be in a rship for the next few years.
I'm reinforcing and reminding myself.
So shut up everyone else.

BYE .

And come 27 MAY, its party for 1 month for me!
I really need to unwind.
I've got one whole month for that, so friends,lovies, please date me.

I miss Pravin but I'm not gona tell that idiot, and so if he reads it here then good!
:)

And to you, you know who you are, you're missed. :)

Arghhhh, Terrible Thursday.

Friday, April 29, 2011

How adorable is my brotheR! Lol.

Life's like taking a turn at downstreet for a while.
So I need a breather and I'm doing all that I can for that!
I really need to get away!

Mum was in A and E earlier, like Thursday evening.
Had a terrible fall while mopping and landed on her head.
Bro and Dad brought her to hospital, and I rushed down after work, and out she came with a cast after 2 hours of waiting.
Heir-line Fracture. At this age. Yeah. Sucks.

To add on to all that headache, had to see my Dad get stress over his brothers and some other saga there. And I just get so broken seeing my dad so down.
I hate it infact.
But like he was actually spilling his guts out to me, and if not for the fact that I knew I had to listen and be there for him, I would have cried listening to all his worries.

My dad's such an awesome man. I am so proud of him. :)

So following that heart-aching evening, I reached home at 10 pm only to hear more shizzzz.
Screw all that thou.

The usual caller, called and made me laugh and forget everything as much as he didnt know what I went through that day.
But point was, I was happier after the call.

You do know that when I keep really quiet on the line while your talking(which is rare, cause half the time your not talking but singing=.=) means that I'm all ears and all that you say is going right to the brain and heart right?
So thank you sweetheart. :)

Premalove is super pissed with me for not getting back to her at all.
Lol! :)
But I'm making it up babyyyy!!

Missing my 448 lovies alot! The gems especially.
Need to see them on Sat!! Sunday's my rainbow's 30th day ceremony!!

I don't know if my dearest Tnesh is seeing me any soon. But I hope you do. :(

I'm getting really sleepy.
So I'm gna go now.
But my last two words in summary : Terrible Thursday.

Love love.
Kiss kiss.
:)

My Stay home Saturday =.=

Saturday, April 23, 2011

I can't believe my weekend just went off like that.
And all I did was stay home.
Like Friday was a stay home public holiday with the cousins, my awesome possom Seanpaul cousin stricftly ordered us to be home. :(

SO yes, but it was fun, we went Jurong point in the evening and did a bit of shopping.
My handsome brother bought me a top!
Thanks bro!! :)

And after that headed home, chilled a bit and eventually found myself so sian, all I wanted to do was sleep.
Woke up as early as 7 ish this morning as I was gona go temple, and Jurong to Sembawang is indeed a long way.
Reached temple at like 10 and saw the same old familiar faces.
Speaking of whom , Lakesh, is one amazing guy I've known after Lily.
I really appreciate the fact I know these guys despite the way of how I even know them.
Lets not go there.
But then again, let me just go there for a while.
I'm so pissed mad at you.
And I asked myself why did I even think you could be in my future?
What did you show me that I even considered?
Seriously, if I was to let the whole world know about your shit, like how you think I don't know you are, I am sure you would have to hide.
But then again, that's what sets us apart. I wouldnt.
You don't just say you love someone and because you can't have them you make sure everyone around you can't too.
But if thats what you want, then so be it. It will be given.
Since when have I ever denied you of anything within my capabilities.

But hear this once and for the last time : I AM NEVER COMING BACK!
I promise you.

And on a lighter note I decided to come up with of how I wish my boyfriend would or should be?
Lol.
But see its all my imagination, it may sound illogical,stupid, impossible, but HELLO I said its my wish! Hahaha.

First and foremost, I hope and pray and wish that my future BF knows where I'm truly coming from.
Like my family background, the way I was brought up, ruled over, controlled and everything.
And honestly takes the tact to respect my up bringing and me.
He doesn't need to be so good : and good here doesnt mean telling me 'I don't drink,smoke,have tatoos and only pray', but eventually you do all that oppositely?
But I want someone who's balanced.
Knows his work, and knows his game.

Like someone who wouldnt put leisure infront of work too often?
Someone who doesnt get drunk every damn day and ends up missing work?
Someone who doesnt smoke too much and gets his internal organs destroyed.
Someone who loves himself and eventually someone who respects his material body and not intoxicate it much?
Like it comes to the point he should maybe share my view : All that's good or bad should be done in moderation.

And neither do I want someone who DOESNT drink at all but smokes enough to kill him.
Or someone who DOESN'T at all smokes but drinks enough to be the only customer required at a bar.
I don't need extremes, I don't.
I want someone who balance it all up and still remain fun!?

But coming back, he should really bear in my mind of my family, and our culture and not for a second let my BROTHERS topmost, parents and my cousins even doubt him of his responsibility.
Like say, he shouldn't be well known for being a drunk so much so my brothers give me the red signal?
Or even be so famous among girls for the wrong reasons and give my sisters a room to watch out for me?
He shouldnt be anything like that?
And he should know how my cousins are more than cousins and too dear to me that HE should blend in perfectly with them?
Like I would hope he would initiate meet-ups with my brothers and hang out with them.
Or even with my other cousins and we would all hang out together?
Seriously, he must be well liked by my family.

And then comes to the friends part.
He should of course know of my girlfriends and guys and you know be able to click with them all the time?
Cause the similarities between my friends and I are we 're friendly?So from them it shouldnt' be an issue.
But then I hope then even after he enters my life I don't have to change the way I am to them in anyways, which I did previously?

He too should not for a second change the way he is towards his friends upon being my boyfriend?
And I will be more than understanding should he have bestfriends of the opposite sex.
I've been that friend to many of my guy friends I should know how I wouldnt want to lose a friend because he's attached?

See I wanna know him for a few good years and with each year I hope we both make positive changes to each other and be happy and so happy that we really are contented?

I wanna be able to hang out with him at a bar should he watch soccer with his guys as I love watching soccer?
And should I want to go home midway, he just needs to ensure that I get home safely, and he doesnt need to leave with me?
And moreover, should I bring him to my home as my boyfriend I hope he ensures,assures my DAD to take good care of me. For my DAD means a whole deal to me and vice-versa.
Like he should know how to carry himself and know my dad would be judging him and he should not give any reasons for my dad to even have second thoughts?
Of course I want to be able to share with my dad about him freely?

Like he should know my dad doesnt drink nor smoke so atleast with the saying : 'What you don't know don't hurt', he should maintain that image to my parents.
And I would also hope he never lost his roots, and should he be someone who prays I would be delighted?And not just CLAIM that he prays so much he thinks he's god and all that rubbish la =.=
And of course, for him to be musically inclined or even being a music lover would be the cherry on my cake.

And something really important for me, I really hope you would be able to carry an intellectual conversation with me?
Like I'm done with typical Tamil language thrown at my face and all that drama?
I need a guy who knows how to have a smart convo with me, to be able to discuss about Singapore's issues, to discuss about any current issues or anything under the sun.
But in English, like a respected man who loves his Tamil as much as his English but knows how to talk and when to talk what?
I need that.
Call me a discriminative woman, but I know what I want.
And this is what I want : A balance. Like Yin and Yan.
Opposites attract but they need to balance each other.

And alsooooo...he needs to be educated, having good prospects that I need not worry about should he even want to job-hop.
Be earning enough to keep us happy.
And most importantly someone who knows the importance of savings?!
And for him to have a savings from a decade ago would be a bonus for me only because it helps me be assured of his mentality and his responsibility.
Like really really, all these are crucial and so I would consider all that?

And coming back to the religious side , I would not stand him getting drunk on special days like Thaipusam/Panguni and getting involved in it whilst being drunk?
Like hello?Screw it, I would probably not even want to know someone who does all that.
Like I said, to know what to do when is important for me.
And should he be a participant in these big events I would most definitely be happy for him and pray along for all his prayers to be answered.
See the reason being, my brothers are all like that?
They maybe simply guys who work,club have a gf/wife but when it comes down to God and them they don't fail on it? They don't get DRUNK on these days and be annoying to the people around by dancing/singing drunk?
So I hope that guy would really get to know and realise about my family enough?

And can he also please have a car/car license?I'm done with guys hoping I wouldnt get a car till they get their license and their fucked immaturity.
But it would be ohsocool for him to have a car only because I'm done with a routine life with public transport and would want to be pampered just a little?
And of course I would call on days where I would want to travel in public transport with him only because we shouldnt get too antisocial(if its the right word) and comforted with the luxury of a car?
And strictly no driving, should he want to get drunk outside with his guys . :)
And once in a while to freak out is totally understandable, but say every weekend - NO?
LIKE A BIG FAT NOOOOO!
:)

And and and, did I also mention that, he should trust me and I would trust him with time of getting to know each other and we should try our level best not to disappoint each other when its trust issue?
Yep.

And coming back to my weak point : Singing.
By God's grace should he be able to sing , I WOULD BE OMGOMGOMG EXCITED and be his biggest FAN.
And he can call me anytime of the day to randomly sing a song and that itself would be a surprise.

I want a guy who knows how to plan days/evenings or surprises?
Like a guy who knows how to treat his lady well?
Someone who observes you and like hear you out carefully about places you mention and when weekends comes he calls you and says, 'Okay we're going out tomorrow, pick you up at 7' , and drives down to the place she mentioned days back?
Like omg,how effing sweet would that be?

And despite being a bf, he knows how to have little games with you?
That are harmless but eventually the aim of the game is to basically make you miss him a little more each day?

Ah that said, I need to close my eyes and head to bed thinking of him!
Lol, will continue this tomorrow!
As abrupt as this may be, I love you people! :)

And and and, I'm missing you.

???

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Feeling super super down.
And I don't exactly know why?
Like....omg, there's something eating me up inside.

I know I'm never used to blogging my down side on my blog at all, but screw that, this is after all my blog.
The thing is, I never want to attract too much of attention on the note that I'm down?
But here I am typing all these asking myself why am I feeling off for no reason?

And if there's a reason, is it worth it?

See, the saying, once bitten twice shy never worked on me.
And I think that's more than what I should let on.
But then, by the time I'm bitten thrice I lose myself completely.

Argh!!!
I'm really really losing it.
I need to just get out of everything that is routine for me.

My mum got so mad at me last morning for some dishwashing reasons and started saying that I'm more interested in guys issue than washing the plates.
IM LIKE OMG OMG OMG?
WHERE THE HELL IS THE LINK?
I mean, I'm 22 and if you want your daughter/son to be interested in the same gender then its a problem.
And not that she knows of all the shit I've put myself through to say all that? She doesn't la.
And if she does then she'll know I'm really done. I will not be in a relationship for the next few years and this I'm damn sure of!

Yes I have awesome family to share my sorrows with, but then there comes time then you have search within. Cause its not about sharing to reduce the load, its about absorbing and letting go.
And this is the space where I can.
So bear with me if you're still reading.

Then again, I can't continue.
Fcuk what I'm feeling.

That was rough.... Thing to do now is try and forget it.... I guess I don't quite mean that. It's not a thing you can forget. Maybe not even a thing you want to forget.... Life's like that sometimes... Now and then for no good reason a man can figure out, life will just haul off and knock him flat, slam him agin' the ground so hard it seems like all his insides is busted. But it's not all like that. A lot of it's mighty fine, and you can't afford to waste the good part frettin' about the bad. That makes it all bad.... Sure, I know - sayin' it's one thing and feelin' it's another. But I'll tell you a trick that's sometimes a big help. When you start lookin' around for something good to take the place of the bad, as a general rule you can find it.

And to you : my blog hater(Probably the only one who dislikes my blog), if I even said anything wrongly to offend you then let me know?But don't just ignore?

I'm out.

short update

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I think that despite all the drama's that been happening, I am so fortunate to have so many gems around me.
Like each of them have not proved me wrong in anyways.
From lilygem to his bestfriend, to my one and only LOVE babycakes to Pravin and to everyone la basically.
Thank you hor for everything.
You guys are loved so much by me and I appreciate you all so much.

My life's always been circulating with drama I must say.
Like the moment I had a BF it became even more dramatic, even though it ended wahhh the drama won't la.
But screw that, I'm good with everyone around me.

And maybe just maybe, I'm interested in .....
But no much juicy updates for now except that the subject's niceeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. :)
And has been there for me and that's really sweet.
But see, I don't want trust people who can sing anymore!
CANNOT LA.
Lol, but this one sings damn good ah. (Break the jinx thou pls :) )

Okay, but like I said, I'm so sure I'm getting arranged married off in about 5 years.
27 too early uh?
7 years then.
Lol.

And, I am waiting for the Gem's word to come true now, for upon doing so much all I got back in return was shit? And all I await now is your JUDGMENT day.
I swear when that happens I know that its a notsounfair world.

Ok, madly in love with the Manthiram Vechayae song.
And really madly in love with the guy's voice.

So this my plan for this weekend!
24 APRIL - EMCEE JESZ hitting Downtown East and so I'm gona be at his booth WITH him chilling :) Yayness!! (Many photos!)

31st April : GEEVISHA'S 30TH day prayer.

6th May - 7th May : Unwind session with the cousins : CLUBBING

Yeah! My weekend's are gona be awesome, and it would even be more if I saw you in between. :)

And to you my little love : Fret not, as we somehow saw this coming we just didnt prepare ourselves together but deep down we knew there will come this day and so it did pretty early.
But don't be too sad, for everyone else whom you regard as your brothers will share the weight with you and as for me I'll always love you hor. :)
Don't worry!! Just do your best for your studies okay?

But as for you my awesome possom fantastic PAST : Gloat, Smile, Chuckle whatever la, I'm having the last laugh for sure.

Love love.

On a side note : You've got me tripping....

My confession :)

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

So let me be RANDOMLY SHOCKING.
I had a relationship.
I did.
And I was not supported by my family to continue but still as a human being you know you can NEVER listen to people and you have to actually go thru shit before coming out of it?
Well of course I did that!
Typical, but lesson will be learned what.
So doesnt matter.
Well this relationship taught me on how tolerant I can be.
Yes I was a total control freak at times. Cause I had to la.
Situations, but I NEVER ONCE MISTREATED my partner la.
I pampered and loved like nobody's business. I don't regret, I will never but I wished I pampered and loved myself instead.
I lost myself in that period I had a boyfriend.
Wow! I lost alot, but I thought it didnt matter cause I had a boyfriend whom I hoped I saw a future with.
But it was a painful journey each time I FELL I only told myself I can work this out I can I can.
But who knew what was running through the other party's mind?
Cause there were too much of negative emotions and thoughts in theirs that they stopped thinking about me for the longest time.
I had to ask for things which shouldnt even been asked for.
It was a horrible thing to go through cause it came to a point I didnt know what I was hanging on for?
But still I held on, I was devastated at the way the change was hitting me.
How can a person completely change from whom they were in a short period.
I was in denial. I got blamed for the change even.
But if he ever took a min to sit down and ponder about how else I improved his life it would have been different.
SO shit happened. Brothers had to hear about it. Things ended on the ROUGHEST note when I tried to delay the end of us, as I wanted a smooth end.See the thing is, I realised regardless of how gentle you want to be about a break, or how tactful it must be something mutual!

Its of no point if here I am trying to be gentle about us going our own ways where there you are JUMPING VIOLENTLY about everything. In the end the one who wants to be soft with their decision ends up get depressed,tired, angry, sad.
Thats what happened.
Depression was what happened.
Friends were there. Especially two who made the trip to my school to talk to me on the pretext of a surprise! LOL.
But sisters started looking for out me.
It was too painful cause I know I didnt deserve that.

I'm not saying I was the best gf in the world but for you I was the best you can get and lose.
I was. And only your family will realise that. And by family I mean people who really would know what I went through and not what they tell themselves to believe about you. Of course some 'brothers' of yours would beg to differ, but they know shit! And I mean shit man. Seriously.

See I was at a low point in life, when I had to hear about my brother's friend's sister taking the plunge because of her failed love life.
Affected me more than anyone could imagine.
Seriously, I found myself talking to the girl who by the way is one the most beautiful girl of my age!
I was literally asking her in my head, why? Why?
She had an awesome family and talents, and job, and everything, so why?

Couldnt accept the way 'LOVE' can affect people.
Wah seriously.
So I'm not for a moment gona say ohhhhhiwasossadbfwassomeansonowiamtheonetobepitied all!
I am only saying, its sad. WAS SAD.
That I had gone through all that when I thought love could happen to me.
BUT NEVER AM I LOOKIN AT THE WORD FOR THE NEXT 3 YEARS!
Cause after that I'm getting my mum to arrange marriage me off.
LOL.
But seriously.
Yes we had our joy, we had very little of it, that was the problem.
And I wasn't getting all that I deserved and he couldnt give too but it became intangible things that he couldnt give and thats when you know you have to make a decision.
I WAS LOST BEYOND.

Well well.
AND SO, THIS IS IT.
I'll never look back on your chapter.
I did tell you that before? That if I make up my mind for real I will never. Yes I will have troubles getting over it la. And I did! I still do cause Singapore is fucking small, and at every corner I take I somehow see you. And it was far painful than anyone can imagine. I became less sociable, I became so selfish. All I cared about for 1 year was you, how was I to walk on when I promised you, that you will be the the only one? But what the fuck am I to do when your promise was to mistreat me as far as you can?
I'll never hit that chapter again.
I will never forget you too. Cause now I know what pain can be derived from love and I'll remember the pain and not get close to feeling the same in future.

I wish you well, where ever you can be.
Like I always said, your head's not in the right place and will not be for a few years.
But if you ever clear it you might just have a good future ahead.
And getting the same image you once portrayed? Nah...you really have lost it.
But we all do don't we? Lost our image, our respect but we have to get it back.Earn it back.

Like how you can never stop calling me names even after it all ended?
Well if I was a whateveryoucalledme I would have never lasted this long with you, for the moment you went beyond your limits in the way you treated me , I would have showed you the finger and left. And if I was a whateveryoucalledme I wouldnt for a moment respected your likes and dislikes even after the first break. But damn, not worth it. Not at all.

But I respected and loved not wrongly, but the wrong person.
I hope you find yourself in the long future and thats the only wish I have for you forever.
AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS NOT AS IMPORTANT AS THAT.
I gave you the best 20th, remember it, live with it. Cause every gift given was with love. Even the gifts my friends presented you with.Not forgetting the gift that has my signature on it. :)
Goodbye now. And for the longest time.

And if in future you ever hear of me being married/attached or even dating, please atleast prove me that your love was true by not approaching me or even thinking that you have the rights to question me. Its over loved one - once.

I am not gona for a second say I'm perfect know, I have my flaws most definitely. But the thing is I learn from it.
Even after my bros found out about my attempt at the rship AGAIN they forgive both him and I for making that blunder. I thought they were being selfish, but in actual fact I was.
Or everyone were? but I didnt ask myself if I could really do this at the start? So that was the trigger really?
And now, even if I want to move on it hurts. Cause I'm done for real with guys.

Maybe girls now? LOL.
I was kidding.
I'm still homophobic thanks.

But during these rough times, I still want to thank God for bringing in all my family members and friends to shower me with their love and attention.
For without which I would have been in a serious state of depression.

And till this moment I would say, he was an awesome guy.
Awesome son,brother,friend,musician,vocalist, devotee ? Perhaps.
But he just coudnt be perfect and had some drawbacks in the bf part but thats all good.
We all have our flaws to repeat myself, we all do. :)
So I'm parting with heart that was once heavy but now light ? lighter? Yeah.

Love you all!

A LONG ONE!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

That my new bangs and I'm loving it despite the comments its bringing meeee from my dearest cousins,oswind and my BROTHER! =.=
LOL.

Been a long while.
Shit happens and so it did for me.
But I guess accepting it and walking on is the ONLY choice given.
So yes, Granny left.
Was a painstaking sight to see a life live for the last few hours, and to actually witness it go within hours is something I never thought I could handle.
But yes, I watched her pass off.

Took urgent leave that day, 28 Jan.
Went to visit her in the morning and stayed by her side till late noon by then which every other cousin,uncle and aunty arrived as somehow we knew it was anytime but no one really anticipated that day itself?
And we went for a early dinner at 5 ish and came back at 6 ish to figure that the little movements she had in her arms were also fading off.
Things became a bit more tensed, and more people came.

And by 8 we all somehow coincidentally gathered around her.
With her head on her first and favourite child's lap, she took her last minutes.
With her last drops of milk down her throat we saw her fade....and eventually still.
Cries, tears, sadness engulfed me for the next three days, along with the package came fever,flu and headache.
But to send her off for one last time took it all away.
She was an absolute Gardener My grandma, and so with her heart as big as the universe and soft as a flower petal, came MANY MANY MANY flowers for her send off.
Came MANY MANY MANY FOOD for all.
Thats how many stomachs she has fed. And how many flowers she has taken care off.

She went down a royal flight down, from the 19th storey on the shoulders of people who loved her.
And into her carriage and finally right into the place we don't really know off but we call it the arms of God.
Since then, family has had a fair share of unhappiness,happiness, arguments and what nots.
But we all agree on one thing, her love will always bind us together.
And we'll keep that going to our fullest capabilities.
Rest well Atta. 'Byeee...byeeee' - the way you say it.
A wonderful life you have lived and led, its our turn now with your guidance.
Love you now, and ever.
Your last grandchild, Chalini - as you pronounce it.

Apart from that separation we've been through, I'm being very very tired since.
I have no time to really get more than 7 hours of sleep!
My in-house training began.
And waking up at 6.30 on alternate days has been a must.
Class is becoming tougher with more expectations and more behaviour from my kids!
Lol, but they cheer me up they do!
They are just lovable.
Lesson plans kill me and I really really want to do it before the weeks begin to save more time for writing in my kids individual communication books!
That really cuts a lot of time.

Valentines day was like a normal day for me!
Last year's was totally different, lol but yeah!
Memories.
Last year's was a GROUP valentine.
Not even double dates!
But fun fun. :)
I wouldn't erase them off but keeping it at the right place.

But two days after Vday we had a post singles dinner with sisterlove and her friends.
It was fun for I haven't seen them in 8548302032 years!
I really missed them all so much especially two of them!
Uma bro and KESU! :)
It was nice catching up but we had very little time together, or time isn't just enough when its with them.
I love my times with them, and I owe it to my sis for bringing me along like an extraa lol.
But yes times with them are one of the best.
They really keep me occupied.
And I got my Vday gift from my sis! A ROSE! Thought fabric kind? :)

We had Seoul garden leading to smelly hair but a wonderful evening! Thank you thank you.
See the part that I WAS really amazed was how I was just poking fun at this Mango(That's what I call this person) telling him how he was supposed to buy me a gift and all. And like Member suddenly disappears from the dining and goes toilet.
But see I thought he was gona come back with a gift and ya it would be predictable.
But no! Lol.
He somehow hid it at the front or somewhere along with another gift for my sister and like presents it to me after we're done with dinner and after I come back from the toilet.
And he's like 'NAH! YOUR GIFT THAT YOU ASK.' - LOL.

But like see, he didnt even mean that, cause if he did then he shouldn't even get me any what, I don't matter at all.
Then I realised, there are really some NICE PEOPLE around, like genuinely nice.
And the gift spoke more as I used to always ask him to get me gums if he goes JB to pump his bike and he would always not give it though he buys it? Cause he forgets?
And this was my gift from him :

SUCH A BIG ASS GUM! Lol! But cute righttt. Its like a pillow so yeah. I love it.
Thank you so much! :)
That gift really made me laugh la, funny how he could think of that at the time.

So yes my post Vday dinner was great, following that, on Friday I met my hotloveeee who by the way is the most funniest girl ever and she really keeps me laughing and entertained always.
And had a small reunion with old irritating friends like OSWIND and Ramp.
Lol.
Irritating goes to Os of course.
And that was my Friday.
Following on, Saturday was an emotional day for my brother.
Lol.
But yeah, :) I learned alot about him that one day.
Thanks to his friend. - much loves to you!

And then we had a dinner with the cousinsssss! :)
At Turf City for another steam boat and it was THE FUNNEST YET SCARIEST night ever.
You guys know my FEAR FOR CATS RIGHT?
ITS NOT ORDINARY FEAR KNOW, its ailurophobia know.
Its serious hor! NOT FAKING ANY THINGS.
I CAN'T EVEN STAND A CAT PLUSHIE COMING CLOSE TO ME EVEN.

So there was one! THAT ANNOYED AND ATE THE LIFE OUT OF ME.
Its a steamboat layout right? So count on it for being smart and catwalking around to feed itself.
I had to run here and there as several times, or make it MOST of the times it was within 2 meters to me.
So cousins were nice enough to chase it away each time it goes near. Like I think about 40 times one by one chased for me.
One point it RAN TOWARDS ME, AND I SCREAMED 'ARGHHHHHH!' and the everyone at the steamboat area looked at me. I COULDNT HELP IT!
I ran away while screaming too.

When I came back they were all laughing at me, but I was in a state of shock, my heart was beating so fast, almost hyperventilating and next thing I knew, I was crying so hard.
REALLY!
My heart is that weak for these ANIMALS.
And that shocked my cousins, oh and by then my bro left for work so he didnt see me cry. =.=

He would have laughed most I bet.
But really I'm serious.
I took 15 mins to calm down and continued eating. :(
I can't believe I cried. But the state of shock plus fast beats of my heart was a moment never to forget. =.=
CAT WAS STILL LINGERING AROUND but they gave me the 'safest' seat so I ate comfortably.
But following that was HOLLAND V FOR SWENSENS! YAYNESS! :)

I had walnut rocky road with my handsome brother and the rest their own ice cream before calling it a night and I cabbed home! :)
And come today, I woke up, lazed around, did my lesson plans and register files and now blogging this thinking of where can I fly off to this year?
My BFF'S dead!
AMY PLEASE TEXT ME!

LOVE YOU ALL.

And it was through my brother's friend that I realised that my brother had a bestfriend all these while, and it was................................

ME. - Touched much. I teared reading that piece of news. :)

Much loves!

Oh and to you busy bee! You can continue being busy and going out with all your other friends.
I'm never asking you out ever. BYE! =.=

And you! I see you had a great birthday. :) Hope you enjoyed it.

OH AND THIS IS MY 40022 VIEWS ALREADY.

Forty thousanddd! Woooooow la!

We all failed to think about consequences and thus the loss

Sunday, January 09, 2011

The below post would be full of angst, but see, I rarely feel this. If I DO it must be really something.So my readers, ignore it after you read it.

To a wonderful friend of mine. :)
Such amazing friend you were.
For I was truly happy with your comeback.
But now, look, you don't deserve anything to come back.
Like if you would even dare look me in the eye and tell me things I would have respected you as a MAN more than a friend.
But wow, hearing things I had to hear from someone whom I barely know for a year, while you who know me and was CLOSE to me for 8 freaking yearS?
BRAVO LA!

Don't you ever let me hear you say shit, cause I gave you ample chance to come and tell me things.
BEST FRIEND?
LIKE FOR REAL?
Please la, a bestfriend who would let an opposite sex come in between SHOWS alot.
OKAY?
So drop everything, once bitten twice shy right?
Don't ever think I'll respect you one bit.
I will never.
YOU COMPLETELY LOST ME.
You knew how you did the first time and how we both regretted the pause in between.

I don't care who tells me shit know, but the simple FACT THAT YOU OUGHT TO BE BREAKING IT TO ME was whats most important.
But of course, every selfish man has his own story, and so you might have yours too. But shut the fuck up cause I am not giving you a chance to say it. For I waited for what ? 3 weeks? for you two to play behind me and then come up to me and TELL ME I SHOULD CUT PEOPLE AWAY just so you think I WILL REJOICE that you did this behind me, that the person I should have cut away would result in me TAKING IT LIGHTLY?
Fat chance.
Screw you.
And your decision made.

Total failed friend.
Seriously.
I will go on as much as I want in my space, and I hope you actually feel something and call me.
You freaking know how this will jeopardize things between me and the two people involved.
BUT YOU CARED MOST FOR YOURSELF.
You know how tons of people INCLUDING you told me I should care most about myself, because you guys KNOW PERFECTLY I care for everyone more than myself? WELL FROM YOU I LEARN NOW TO CARE ABOUT MYSELF AND ONLY MYSELF.

You know, and IF YOUR GONA SAY THIS WAS UNFORESEEN, then please, before I show YOU the finger, you better take it back.
UNFORESEEN - totally la.
Thats why when I first knew you even made a casual move, I said look, step back cause you know what the reaction would be if the party involved gets to hear about it. REMEMBER?
You who stopped talking to a girl previously because she had a link to him didnt STOP you again?
Cause love happens la.
Cause love is blind, but I didnt know its closes your eyes on friendship also la.
Not bad not bad.
You two made such selfish moves la, but the manipulation in your wait?
Was even more selfish.

Seriously, I am so effing pissed right now that if you appear in front of me, I'd actually scream my head of at you.
Like when you went into camp you began your game, after knowing I know also you wanna play means, this one not maturity all know, this one bullshit.

The guts you have in other issues all something to be praised about la uh.
But when its comes to solid friendship ah, you suck.
Really, don' ever think this will subside la, the least you could have effing done was call me la.
Value my friendship alot?
BE SUPPORTIVE?
Dont wanna waste any more years apart?
Ey, please la, seriously ah, think before you talk.
Okay, keep this crap to yourself.
For if I see you, I'm giving you the nastiest look coming close to spit being drawn.

You will play your game and I have to bear it upon myself and ontop of that support you?
Please, I know you better than anyone.
And knowing you....... means.....alot.....you know....I know...

A guy who can do this to a BESTfriend...can do this to anyone else.

You wanted me to cut people out, cause those people didnt prove their worth, and how did your prove yours? Thank god I didn't cause he was there each time in my life.
At my highest and lowest and messiest.
AND HE WOULD NEVER DO THIS AT THE BACK OF ME.

Well done la.
Such act given for the past 3 weeks.
How did you manage it la? Wow.

WRONG IS WRONG.
Getting people to support you in something wrong will NEVER make it RIGHT.

Karma is bitch, mine hit me.
And yours will.
This is it.

GOODBYE!

short up to dateeee

Friday, December 31, 2010

Today was the best day of my life perhaps.
I'm super tired.
Running around from north to south west to central!

BUT SERIOUSLY.
I'M SAD.
AMY'S LEAVING IN LIKE 8 HOURS TIME.
I'll miss her.
She'll always make my day.
Always always.

And today we spent the last evening together, romantically with pasta and coke. lol!
:) i love you bff.

Today's day 2 of work.
Tomorrow is day 3 and then holis again and then full time back!

SO ANYWAYSSSS!
Today I had like a message forwarded to a couple of people.
So like it goes something like 'its 2010 to an end, so time to confess something to me or ask me something and i will answer u truthfully' shit?
And the answers i got was fantanstic!
LOL..

From this dance lovie of mine she said : 'I always thought you had the most friends and I always wanted to be as connected as you baby! Hahahahhaha :) so lame right!?' LOL!

And from Oswind, he had this to ask, 'When are you seeing me!' - LOL!!

From my Seanpaul cousin : 'Do you miss me?'

From my childhood sweetheart Thadjjjj : 'I am in love with you... :) How about you?' - LOL LA!
Never changed one bit this one.

And this sweet one said , 'i may have said this b4, but it wun hurt to say it again..ur one awesome friend..ur always there n always go all out 4 people u love...u motivate them and feed them with confidence and they get there in the end..im lucky to have met someone as pretty and as awesome as u...lovelove' -AWWWWWWWWWW PLEASEEEE!!

MY SUPERSTAR SAID ' YOUR CUTE!!!' :)

And Sarvesh doll said, 'Your awesome in doing eye make up, you shld venture more on it. you'll do great!'

And my closer ones havent repliedddd!!!

So wait,

Song to die for. Awesome.

I had this certain monkey annoy every nerve in my body yesterday.
Wahhhh. He can make me believe all kinds of nonsense. ARGH!
Really, I am so naive.
So 2011 resolution, be LESS NAIVE AND MORE ALERT!

No new look for 2011 for me. :(
broke liao.
oh dear.

Pravin!!!! oh yes, how can i forget, saw mr mia king and we had a few deals.
And surprisingly he's keeping up to it more than what we dealt for.
awwww,sweetest thing you said was that I'll always mean something to youuuuuu!

And also my year end post is gna be delayed but juicy nevertheless.

I'm freaking tired!
I can't do this la!!!! WAHH!!

I made alot of mistakes this year.
Alot, and sometimes I even repeated them.
But from today, this very moment I'm never turning back to the old mistakes.
I'm never.
I may have been clouded these days.
I may seem vulnerable. I may have still done things I shouldnt. But this is it.
I'm deserving the best. And that's not anything near you.
But watch me roll now, its hard to be on par.